Barbara Comtois

EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! Barbara Comtois is running for re-election!! Someone call 911!!!

Oh, wait. Barbara voted against funding the 24/7 emergency dispatch that her constituents begged her to support . She doesn’t care if you feel safe unless you’re the one paying for it. Guess we’re out of luck there.

But hey, you might get lucky in other ways!

If you have a medical emergency, or someone in your family does, you’re totally on your own. How awesome!! If you need to take time off from work to care for a seriously ill child, parent, grandparent, or yourself, TOO BAD. Barbara voted against paid family and medical leave . Hope you and everyone you know is lucky enough to be healthy forever!

Speaking of being healthy forever, hope you’re lucky enough to live in a country that doesn’t have rising insurance premiums and health care costs! Super easy!! Um, what’s that you say? Uh-oh… Barbara voted against expanding Medicaid coverage .

If you work a minimum wage job, be prepared to stay there making the same amount of money FOREVER. Woo hoo!! Barbara voted against raising the minimum wage . She’d like the wealthy to stay wealthy and the gap between haves and have-nots to keep on growing. Hope you’re lucky enough to have been born rich!

If you’re gay, you get to look forward to the possibility of conversion therapy. Yay! Even though conversion therapy is considered a pseudoscience, devoid of any scientific validity, and poses a serious danger to patients (especially minors who are often forced to undergo barbaric physical and behavioral “treatments”), Barbara is totally cool with that . Hope you’re lucky enough to have been born straight and don’t know or don’t care about gay people at all!!

If you’re transgender, well, where do we begin? Barbara doesn’t think you should have equal rights because then you’re going to commit more sexual assaults . Um…. Hope you’re lucky enough to have ZERO LOGIC when making decisions about anti-discrimination bills!

What about kids? Everyone can agree that kids are lucky! Barbara thinks public school kids are so lucky that they could deal with having $100 MILLION dollars slashed from school funding. She has voted for a voucher scheme to take that money away from those lucky public school kids and funnel it into private schools , since we all know that private school kids suffer the most.

But hey, let’s not be unfair. Barbara can’t control the luck of her constituents. She was raised to make her own luck! She was lucky enough to garner high ratings from the Cornerstone Policy Research group. How’s that lucky, you ask? This group doesn’t do any actual research! They just have the word “research” in their name to legitimize their propaganda. How fun! But luckiest of all, Barbara inherited her seat from her husband . We’d like to say something snarky here, but that is actually the definition of luck: success brought by chance rather than by through one’s own actions. Go, Barbara, you lucky duck!

Clearly, life is pretty easy with a little bit of luck. You just have to be rich, healthy, straight, have a spouse in politics, and born absolutely perfect. Easy, right? Who needs a state legislator protecting our rights and fighting for us when we’ve got luck on our side?

Barbara Comtois. 2018. Let’s keep trying our luck.